WATCH NOW: Mel Robbins’ five tips for achieving phone-life balance as a family
We teamed up with Mel Robbins to develop five expert tips to help your family build a healthy relationship with tech.
Editor’s note: Verizon teamed up with best-selling author and behavior change expert Mel Robbins to help your family build a healthy relationship with tech. Robbins sat down with Verizon’s Executive Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer, Leslie Berland, to discuss the practical, real-life strategies she outlines below for a better balance in an always-connected world.
How many of you had a phone in your hand while you’re pulling into work or something and you put it down, only to look around and wonder, “All right everybody, why are you on your phones?”
Here is what I want you to think about: One of the most important things in life are the connections you have with other people and your kids are looking to you to model a better balance.
I learned all of these the hard way, and my hope is you’re going to learn from my mistakes and put these powerful tips to use immediately to shift your mindset and feel empowered.
5 Tips for a phone-life balance
1. It starts with you
Instead of pointing fingers, hold up a mirror.
If you want your kids to have better phone habits, you must practice them. Phone-life balance is about being mindful, vs. mindless. Teach yourself not to reach for it when you’re standing in line or watching TV. Stop blaming work for why it’s always in your hand, and start keeping it on the kitchen counter instead of in your pocket. Remember, you have the power. If you model better habits, your kids will follow your lead.
2. Be curious, not controlling
Skip the lectures and try to understand the bigger picture. Phones are the single greatest device for connection, and for your kids, they represent a direct line to their friends. If you come from a place of control, it will create a lot of conflict.
Instead, be curious.
Step into their perspective, rather than stepping on it. Ask questions instead of judging. The experts suggest these:
- “Teach me how you use your phone.”
- “What’s your favorite app and why?”
- “How do you decide who to follow?”
- “What are ways you use your phone to help you study?”
Your curiosity will help your kids open up, and that leads to a better connection and open communication.
3. Let them lead the way.
Your kids are smarter than you think, so work with them instead of against them. This is a tool that is featured in The Let Them Theory book and grounded in 30 years of research.
Whenever you have a concern, whether it’s about school or friends or the phone, sit shoulder-to-shoulder, name your concern, and instead of solving it for them, solve it with them.
Before offering your solution, ask them what they think they should do: “Have you thought about what you might want to do about this?” More often than not, they know what they want to do. They need your reassurance about doing it.
And if they don’t know, the experts recommend asking, “Do you want my advice?”
This strategy works because it shows that you believe in them, and it makes them feel in control of what happens next. That builds trust and connection with you.
4. Two things to stop doing.
Here are two daily habits that have been game-changers for my family:
First: Don’t Sleep With Your Phone:
The most important, non-negotiable daily habit for my family: no phones in bed or next to your bed while you sleep. When it’s “lights out” for your kids, that means phones out of the bed. This is the hardest change to enforce as a parent, but it’s the most important because it leads to better sleep and true phone-life balance. You will have to go to their room and remove their phone. Expect this to be very difficult for the first two to three weeks. After that, they will thank you.
Second: No phones at the dinner table, period.
Whether we’re at home or a restaurant, devices stay off the table. In our house, no phones at dinner has brought us closer, because it leads to more talking and connection. And here’s the kicker: ask your kids to call you out if you slip, which creates two-way accountability. Because the truth is, we all need help practicing phone-life balance.
5. Create a rocking family group chat.
The phone itself is not the problem. How you’re using it is. Part of phone-life balance is using your phone in a very empowering way.
About a year ago, I decided to take our family group chat away from logistics, and lean into it as a place for fun. I send memes back and forth with my friends all the time. Why not do it with my family? Turns out, it’s an incredible bonding experience.
Give your family group chat a hilarious name and a fun group photo. Use it as a place to celebrate, laugh, share memes, random photos, and have fun with each other.
Having a rocking family group chat is a way to work with the phone, rather than against it. It’s a way to meet your kids, and everyone in the family, where they are, and stay connected.
Take on the role of being the one person in your family who is always texting something fun. Even when people don’t participate in the beginning, they read it. Eventually everyone will join in, because who doesn’t want to have more fun?
As you work to balance how your family uses tech, it’s also important to check out the right tech for all kid stages.
Many of these tips were inspired by Verizon’s partner experts: My Digital TAT2, Discovery Education, and Older Adults Technology Services from AARP.
